ONE-TO-ONE COACHINGTake It or Leave It
Learn to drink less without relying on willpower or someone else's rules.
Imagine being able to have a drink when you genuinely want one, stop when you've had enough, or skip it altogether without it turning into a mental tug-of-war.
Take It or Leave It is one-to-one coaching designed to help you change the habits and patterns behind your drinking, so you can decide what you actually want and follow through on it, and ultimately make alcohol matter less.
IS THIS YOU?You don't want to give up drinking.
You just want it to feel different.
You want to enjoy a glass of wine with dinner, drinks with friends, or a cocktail on holiday. You're not necessarily looking for a life without alcohol.
You just don't want drinking to feel so automatic anymore.
MAYBE YOU WANT TO…
✓ Have one or two drinks without automatically reaching for another.
✓ Stop drinking most nights just because it's become part of your routine.
✓ Have a stressful day without feeling like you need a drink to take the edge off.
✓ Say to others, “I don't feel like drinking tonight,” and have it be no big deal.
✓ Sometimes, just not want the drink at all.
Alcohol doesn’t need to disappear from your life.
You want it to take up a lot less space.
WHY IS THIS SO HARD?You probably already know how much you want to drink.
The harder part is following through.
You can decide you'll only have two drinks.
You can tell yourself you won't drink tonight.
You can plan not to pour a glass while you're making dinner.
You can know exactly what you want your drinking to look like.
But then 6pm comes.
It's been a long day. You're making dinner and a glass of wine sounds good. Everyone else is drinking. Or you've had the first one and suddenly another sounds like a very good idea.
That's where knowing what you want isn't always enough.
This isn't a willpower problem.
If drinking has become connected with certain times of day, situations, thoughts or feelings, simply deciding to drink less doesn't make those patterns disappear.
You need to learn what to do when the old patterns show up.
THE SKILLSWhen you know how to handle the moments that usually lead to drinking, you don't have to depend on willpower to get you through them.
These aren't qualities some people naturally have and others don't.
They're skills you can learn and practice, so you're better equipped to make a different choice when it matters.
This is why drinking less is a skill.
You can want another drink without having to have one.
An urge doesn't have to become a decision. You can learn to let the desire for another drink be there without automatically acting on it.
You can be around other people drinking and still make your own choice.
You can become more comfortable doing what you actually want, rather than drinking because everyone else is or because it feels awkward not to.
A difficult day doesn't have to decide whether you drink.
You can learn other ways to handle stress, frustration or discomfort so that reaching for a drink isn't your only way to feel better.
You can trust yourself to do what you said you would.
Instead of repeatedly deciding you'll drink differently and then wondering why you didn't, you can learn what gets in the way and how to respond differently when it does.
And something bigger starts to change.
You spend less time negotiating with yourself about drinking. You have more confidence in your choices. And alcohol doesn't have to do so much of the work when it comes to stress, relaxation, reward or being social.
Alcohol starts to take up less space in your life.
You don't just learn how to drink less.
You learn how to rely on alcohol less.
HOW TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT WORKSDrinking less starts with something fairly simple: deciding ahead of time what you want to do and practicing following through.
Every time you respond differently in a situation where you would normally drink, you're beginning to interrupt an old pattern.
Making dinner doesn't always have to mean wine. A stressful day doesn't always have to end with a drink. Having one doesn't always have to lead to another.
We start by changing what you do.
Then we work on what's making it difficult.
Because if it were only a matter of making a plan, you probably wouldn't need coaching.
The challenge is doing something differently when the old response still feels familiar, appealing or automatic. That's where we start to uncover what's getting in the way and build the skills that help you follow through.
The plan gives us something to practice. What happens when you try to follow it tells us what we need to work on.
THE PRACTICE
Choose in advance whether you'll drink and how much.
01 · DECIDE AHEAD
Practice following through on what you decided.
02 · FOLLOW YOUR PLAN
03 · ALLOW WHAT’S UNCONFORTABLE
Experience the urge or feeling without automatically responding with a drink.
Use what happens as information. Adjust and practice again.
04 · LEARN & REPEAT
This is how an automatic pattern begins to change.
You interrupt it. You respond differently. And you do it again and again, until the old associations begin to lose their pull.
But knowing what to practice doesn't mean it will always be easy to do.
THE DEEPER WORKThe practice is simple.
What gets in the way is personal.
You might know exactly what you planned to do and still find yourself wanting the drink.
Maybe making dinner doesn't feel quite right without wine. Maybe you've come to believe you need a drink to relax after a stressful day. Maybe being the only person not drinking feels uncomfortable. Or maybe, once you've had one, the desire for another feels surprisingly strong.
See the patterns you can't change when you're not noticing them.
AWARENESS
Understand the associations and triggers that have made drinking feel automatic.
HABITS
Question thoughts like “I deserve this,” “I need this to relax,” or “I won't have as much fun without it.”
BELIEFS
Learn to experience uncomfortable emotions without automatically reaching for a drink.
EMOTIONS
Change the story you tell yourself about who you are and what you're capable of around alcohol.
IDENTITY
We won't work through these like a checklist.
What gets in the way of drinking less is different for everyone. We'll focus on the patterns, beliefs, emotions and situations that are getting in your way and build the skills you need to respond differently.
ABOUT MARY ELLENI know what it's like to want to drink differently without wanting to stop drinking.
Changing my own relationship with alcohol eventually led me to become a certified Life and Overdrinking Coach and later a certified Integral Coach.
Today, I combine professional coaching expertise with a personal understanding of what it's like to change a drinking habit when your goal isn't necessarily to give up alcohol.
I won't tell you what your drinking should look like. I'll help you build the skills to decide that for yourself.
How This Works
We focus on all the components that create lasting change—not just managing behavior or relying on willpower.
Building Awareness
We start by understanding your specific patterns.
What thoughts trigger the urge to drink?
What emotions are you avoiding or trying to manage with alcohol?
You can't change what you can't see, so we build awareness first.
Understanding Your Brain
Learn how habits are formed and how your brain's reward system works. You'll see that your brain is working perfectly—you've just developed a strong drinking pattern, and your brain is reinforcing it the way brains do.
This removes the shame and gives you a clear roadmap for change.
Working at the Thought Level
You'll learn to recognize and question the automatic thoughts that create cravings: "I need this to relax." "I deserve this." "Just one won't hurt."
When you question these thoughts instead of believing them automatically, the cravings lose their power. This is why willpower never worked—you were fighting the symptom, not the cause.
Emotional Regulation
This is critical. If you're spending your days stressed, overwhelmed, anxious, or reactive, it makes it nearly impossible not to give in to the urge to drink.
We'll work on managing and processing your emotions so you're not using alcohol to cope or escape what you're feeling.
Practice in Real Life
You won't avoid social events, dinner parties, or networking happy hours.
You don’t have to throw away all of your alcohol, either.
You'll learn to be around alcohol and navigate Life with confidence and ease—whether you choose to drink or not.
Navigating Social Situations
You'll learn to handle social pressure, fear of judgment, and situations where you might be drinking differently from everyone else.
This involves thought work, emotional management, AND developing your self-worth—so you can put your needs first.
What Makes This Different
It's Not About Willpower
I use cognitive and behavioral approaches that address why you drink, not just "drink less." You'll understand your patterns and have practical tools to change them.
It's Personalized
Every client is different. I tailor our work to your specific triggers, goals, and life circumstances. This isn't a one-size-fits-all program.
No Judgment, No Labels
You're not broken. You've developed a habit that simply isn’t serving you anymore. I'm here to help you change it... on your terms.
Skills That Last
The tools you learn aren't just for drinking. They're life skills—managing emotions, setting boundaries, making intentional choices. They'll serve you long after our work together ends.
This Work Is a Good Fit If…
This work tends to be a great fit if you:
✓ Are curious about your drinking patterns and open to understanding them
✓ Want to change your relationship with alcohol—not just rely on willpower
✓ Are willing to look honestly at your thoughts, habits, and emotions
✓ Are ready to experiment with new tools between sessions
✓ Want drinking to become less of a mental tug-of-war
If you're unsure whether this approach is right for you, that's exactly what the consultation is for.
We'll talk through your situation and decide together whether this work would be helpful.
Common Questions
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That's entirely up to you. Some clients stop drinking entirely, others learn to moderate. My job is to help you understand why you drink and give you tools to make conscious choices.
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Slip ups happen. We’re all human. We'll use them as learning opportunities to understand what triggered it and how to handle it differently next time. No judgment, just curiosity and problem-solving.
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This is one-on-one coaching focused on understanding your unique patterns and building practical skills. No labels, no sponsors, no steps. You're in complete control.
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If you've relied on willpower alone, you haven't tried this approach. There’s a difference in not being capable of something and not knowing how to do something. Chances are, you’ve never approached your drinking in this way. And you’ve probably never developed these skills. This is a completely different approach to drinking less.
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Everyone's timeline is different, but most clients start noticing meaningful shifts within the first few weeks. The goal isn't quick fixes—it's building skills that make change sustainable.
Take the next stepReady to Get Started?
Schedule a free 45-minute consultation where we'll talk about:
Your current drinking patterns
What you've tried before (and why it didn't stick)
Whether this program is right for you
Specific next steps you can take
No pressure. No judgment. Just honest conversation about your goals and how I can help.